July 2, 2012

Where it all went down.

This is an excerpt from a journal entry which I never want to loose, so I’m putting it online.

July 2nd…I remember this as the day that my first dog, Obie-one-anobie, was born.

Now it has a new meaning associated with it though.

” July 2, 2012 Monday

…I dwelt a bit more on God’s grace and realized something.

God has saved me because of himself-it wasn’t anything I did. I just have faith in him as my savior. god is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He loves me, and if I were to e a paraplegic, he would still love me.  What’s more, he loves me personally. I think for a while, I thought of God’s love as I generally and generically love the children of Antecocha. I don’t really know them and am able to love and care for each one personally, but I really still love them.

God does love the world, but he doesn’t just offer one big general blanket, ” I love you” and pat us on the back. He is a personal God, who knows and loves me. I don’t have to strive to gain his affection. he already cares for me.

Whether or not I really admitted it before, I was scared. Scared of being alone. However, I don’t have to, because my Lord id always with me. I legitimately thought , whenever I was a freshman, that by this time I would be engaged.  As, (if you’ve been following me) it is plain to see, I am not.

But I’m ok with it.

I don’t have to fear being alone, instead. I’ve come to relish the times of silence with just God and me. I still am to sure where I’ll be in a year, but that’s ok. God has always provided for me, and I trust him to continue to do so. I don’t have to really care if people like me! Sure, I like to know people enjoy my company, but I don’t have to stress about it. For too long I’ve been concerned about what others think. If I’m being faithful to God and my relationship with Him, then whether he chooses to bless me with deep enjoyable friendships or not, I can have peace. I can be myself, as God created me to be adn as he’s molding me to be, without fear. More than this, I can love others.

1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. ”

Further commentary on the entry:

God’s grace means I don’t have to strive to be good enough to earn his affections and I don’t have to be somebody to please others so they’ll like me and I’ll feel loved and fulfilled.  God in giving me blessings and life that I don’t deserve, has freed me-I’m under zero obligation-to the desires of selfishness which could consume me. But God, he gave me more than I deserved and healed my heart from the effects of idolizing affection. He is in the business of changing hearts and desires.

“For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose.”-Philippians 2:13 HCSB